R.O.G.B.I.V.???? Huh?

I can say now that I had very creative teachers when I was in school. (Of course, you couldn't tell me that when I was IN school, but the things that stick with me nowadays tend to indicate that most of my teachers were worth more than they were likely paid and the knowledge they imparted with me was effective.) I can usually remember a clever jingle I heard somewhere too and that is helping me teach my children the facts now as well. But..I digress....I am pointing specifically to the fact that I remember ACRONYMS like it's nobody's business! For example--HOMES, MABEL, and ROYGBIV! My title post---does anybody have a clue? Well, it is meant to help one recall the order of the colors of the spectrum--or a rainbow: RED, ORANGE, YELLOW, GREEN, BLUE INDIGO, VIOLET--thus...ROYGBIV!

SO what on earth does that have to do with weddings and being an officiant? Well, I was thinking of vibrant colors this morning after having had the pleasure of officiating at an elopement ceremony yesterday so I'll tell ya....

For centuries, common American brides did NOT wear "virginal" white dresses. They wore their "Sunday best" or they chose a smart suit in later years. Almost always there was some kind of "headpiece" involved and it was rarely a veil. Then it evolved into more "fancy" dresses like they wore in France and those oh-so-attractive bustles that made your booty look like you were smuggling something into somewhere where it wasn't supposed to be. Eventually, the established "Christian" churches in our nation decided to lay down the law about what was "proper" and "respectful" and they put their noses into the fashion world unintentionally and turned the world upside down by requiring women to dress as if they were declaring their virginity by wearing WHITE. (Now, technically white is NOT a color so...)

The fashion houses on Seventh Avenue all trucked out their greatest designs and the tradition of white wedding dresses trickled down into mainstream America. A good deal of brides have worn white or ivory--even if it was not their best look ever. It's just how things have been done and, likely, will be done for many years to come. BUT....there's a new trend on the horizon and perhaps you'll be a part of it?!!!

I had a bride once too nervous to ask me (who was standing there in BLACK--NOT a color again...) if what she was wearing was alright. Huh? Of course it is silly, why wouldn't it be? Well, it seems that she was concerned that the fuschia 50's style peplum skirt with skulls on it was a bit risque in her mother's mind and she was worried I wouldn't marry them because of it. Or the other Bride who was worried that the black and white leftover prom dress she picked up from the thrift store wouldn't be decent enough. I have had women being married in hospital chapels or even at their own bedside try and force themselves into a white gown because they wanted to "look decent". Time to get over that one ladies and gents. I give you ROYGBIV and ask you to fully embrace him if that's what floats your boat!

Here is the text of a lovely article I read recently on CNN online.



"Bride Bucks Tradition and Ditch the White Dress" by Stephanie Goldberg

A bride should look and feel her best, said Ariel Meadow Stallings who wore a green dress on her big day.

STORY HIGHLIGHTS

• Colored wedding dresses are gaining popularity with couture designers, a source says
  
• Gowns in blush, ice blue, gray, latte and red have shown up on the runway
  
• "Nobody orders white anymore. It's kind of a faux pas," a source says

RELATED TOPICS

• Weddings
• Fashion and Style
• Culture and Lifestyle

(CNN) -- Instead of trying to fit a certain mold, Ariel Meadow Stallings cut up a lime-green prom dress she found on eBay, and paired it with an iridescent blue corset.

After all, it was her wedding day. She wanted to look and feel her best. "And that means wanting to wear the color you feel best compliments your skin tone and your hair," she said.

While most brides aren't ready to walk down the aisle in anything more colorful than ivory, bridal consultant Susan Rogers said the wedding industry is slowly changing its tune.

"In the last 10 to 15 years, everything went from white to ivory," Rogers said. "I think they figured out that everyone really didn't look good in white. ... Nobody orders white anymore. It's kind of a faux pas."

And though lime green dresses like Stallings probably won't be popping up in bridal boutiques this season, designers have begun playing with colors like blush, ice blue, gray, latte -- a member of the beige family -- and even red.

"People are starting to open up their minds a bit," Rogers said. "It takes a certain bride -- usually a second wedding. They've already done the white, traditional gown. They don't want to feel like a first-time bride."

Susie Collins wore a royal blue dress the second time around. Collins was 21 when she married the first time. "My mother planned it. ... It wasn't me. I was just going along with tradition," she said. "A lot of people get caught up in that ... and then it's not a happy day for them."

In the first half of 2010, the average cost of a wedding increased 21.9 percent to $23,867, according to WE TV's wedding report.

Rogers said she sees brides bullied into choosing traditional wedding gowns all the time at Impressions, the boutique she works at in Atlanta, Georgia.

It's picking up a wedding magazine and saying, 'this isn't me'
--Ariel Meadow Stallings

"Being here in the South, people are still very, very traditional," she said. "There's huge pressure in what mom says."

But a lot of young brides "are just looking for something non-traditional," she said.

One bride who didn't see herself in "cookie-cutter-land" is Carolyn Gerin. In fact, Gerin saw herself as the "anti-bride," which also happens to be the name of her book series and website about "tying the knot outside of the box."

"[White] is universally hard to wear for so many body and skin types," she said. "And the average American bride is older now. ... The whole 'I'm a virgin and I'm wearing white' [thing] is kind of silly now."

Gerin, who paired a silk and chiffon, midnight blue wedding dress with a black coat, said being an anti-bride isn't "just about dressing up and being different. It's about channeling your lifestyle. ... And if you really want a super-traditional kind of wedding -- it's all about you."

Of course, there's no rule that says a wedding needs to fit into one category or the other.

"Most of the people we've worked with take tradition and do it with a twist," said Natalie Bradley of brideattraction.com. "A lot of people like to embrace tradition to an extent because people are comfortable with it, but they want to make it theirs."

Bradley said one bride reached that happy medium by wearing a white dress during the ceremony and changing into a red dress for the reception.

There are other options for brides who don't have the means to purchase more than one gown.

BreeAnn Gale of Pink Blossom Events said she's had clients who've chosen to add color to their wedding gowns in the form of sashes or bows.

"You see it more with the bolder brides who want to stand out more," she said.

But for Stallings, who was inspired to write a book -- "Offbeat Bride" -- and launch a website after saying, "I do" on her own terms, it's all about staying true to oneself. Even if it means wearing a lime-green wedding dress, she said.

"It's less of a rejection of tradition, and more an embracing wanting to have your wedding reflect who you are," she said. "That can involve wearing colors."

Stallings said she's seen people standing in a white dress on their wedding say, thinking, "I don't even know whose wedding this is."

"An 'offbeat wedding' isn't about being reactionary or rebellious or a rejection of something," Stallings said.

"It's picking up a wedding magazine and saying, 'this isn't me.' "

Fiances & Finances: Questions to ask each other before you say "I do"

(This is info from an article from Real Simple magazine I read a few months back and I thought it pertinent to share here!)

So you've said "yes" to each other, to marriage, to a lifetime together? A moment like that can spill right into joyful wedding planning, but there is some other planning a couple needs to do before focusing on a ceremony and a day of celebration. Money planning -- not just for one day but for your life together as a couple.

When couples come together, they bring different approaches to money and often different lessons learned about handling money. Guaranteed, money will always be difficult to talk about as a couple and will often be the source of disagreements that lead to arguments. If you start the money conversation before marriage, you'll likely get off to a better start than many couples. So before you decide how many people to invite to the wedding and how much you should spend on a reception, here are some questions to ask each other about money to start life as a couple on solid financial ground.

1. How many accounts do you have, and what kind are they? (Checking, savings, money markets?) How long have you had them? Start with an inventory of the accounts you both hold and how you handle them. Do you balance checking accounts at the end of the month? Do you do your banking online? If your partner has maintained one checking account for many years and checks it to make sure there are no mistakes, those are good signs of financial stability.

2. How many credit cards do you have, and how do you use them? Set aside lots of time to talk about credit cards. Since we are coming down from a consumer-credit frenzy, there's a good chance one or both of you have run up some scary balances on credit cards. Ask each other if you've ever maxed out a credit card, or if you pay off balances at the end of every month. If either or both of you have credit-card debt, you need to total it so you can come up with a plan to pay it off and get rid of it. Tackling debt is the first thing you need to do as a couple before you can achieve financial goals for your future.

3. What other debt do you have? Credit-card debt is only one kind. Chances are there are some student debts or car loans, too, and you need to decide how to tackle all of your debt for the same reasons as above.

4. Have you checked your credit score lately? We should each be checking on our credit reports and scores to make sure our credit is in good standing for when we need to apply for loans (once credit is available again!) Get credit reports from the three major consumer credit reporting companies. It's a good idea to do this once a year, and to definitely do so six months before you plan to apply for a major loan since it may take time to clear up problems or fix errors on the report.

5. Should we have separate, joint, or separate and joint accounts? Once you know how many accounts you each have, how much is in them, and how much you will need to spend on monthly expenses, you'll need to decide whether to merge your accounts, keep separate accounts or agree on a combination of the two. There is no one right answer. But you need to decide what works for you as a couple, and to make sure money decisions are transparent and up-front.

7. How will we making buying decisions? To avoid arguments over individual purchases and to keep on track with your financial goals as a couple, it's a good idea to decide what purchase decisions should be made together and which should not. Maybe it will be a dollar cutoff ($100 or more, for example). Or maybe it will fall to household purchases. But whatever you decide, recognize that money matters are often tied up in emotional issues such as independence. So it's better to talk about the role emotions play than to shove them aside and spend individually as you please.

8. Who will be responsible for paying bills and preparing taxes? The day-to-day nitty gritty of finances needs to be addressed. You need to talk about who will take care of the monthly bills, if you'll split them, and what accounts they will be paid from. Same goes for taxes: whether you prepare them yourselves or hire an accountant (another decision), one of you needs to be on top of keeping good records.

9. Do our work benefits overlap, and do you have insurance? These are the kinds of question that grow in importance if you own a home together or have children. But it's good to consider them early on in your relationship, too.

10. What are our your money goals? Fact is, we need money to achieve most of our goals in life -- be it a house, travel, having children and paying for their education, and finally, retiring to a comfortable lifestyle. You may think you share the same goals, but until you ask each other, you won't know for sure. Talk it out. One of you may want to work less if and when you have young children, while the other assumes you'll both keep working full time. One of you may want to travel, while the other hopes to buy a boat. You get the idea. Talking about your goals will help you figure out how to handle your money day to day in a way that meshes with your future aims as a couple.

Asking these questions early on and starting the conversation before you say "I do" will make it easier to revisit money talk, which may not be as fun as pillow talk but is certainly as vital to your relationship.

Badges of Honor?

What on earth are these badges doing here? What do they mean and why should anyone care?

I must admit I have a bit of an obsession with "FLAIR" pins. You know..those collector's pins that are always all the rage at the Olympics and other big public events. They make them for parades, commemorative openings, etc.( I collect all sorts of them and I think I am turning my 8yr old into a bit of an addict as well.) It started many years ago with the Winter Olympics in Lillehammer, Norway and I had to have every one I could find that had something related to the Olympics on them. Then for trade shows I used to attend in the tourism industry, I snagged every one off a vendor's table that I could find. I EVEN wrote to each and every U.S. state's tourism dept and asked for a free pin. I didn't get a response from every state but I must say, Utah and Arizona were quite impressive with their turn-around times and I had them within a week. (Shame on MD! I live down the road a piece and I STILL haven't gotten one!)

But I digress....The above "badges" are not nearly as cool looking as the "Housekeeping" or "Outdoor Adventurer" badges I earned years ago in Junior Girl Scouts. I worked for weeks at a time to earn those little patches that my mother would begrudgingly sew onto my uniform's sash for me (BEFORE I earned that coveted "Sewing" badge, that is!) They DO have a certain nifty appeal to me and I take each one of them very seriously.

These are logos that are imparted to honored members of an organization that certifies each member meets a certain standard. Not every member gets them and you should be looking for some of these when searching for a reputable officiant or celebrant. Some are offered to a vendor after they meet certain membership criteria. Some after they have been successfully reviewed by a wedding consumer. Whatever the case, be on the look-out for them. They DO mean something and I am honored to be a part of so many valuable certifying organizations.

Taking stock....

Several states in our fine nation require significant monitoring of those who are preparing for marriage. Many require counseling of some sort and most of that is religious in nature. Somewhere way back in this blog I posted my thoughts on counseling for marriage. I suppose it's a good idea given the high rate of divorce in this day and age, but I am not a firm believer that it should be required nor should it be handled entirely by religious institutions.

That being said, I have copied the text (for the most part) of a "PREMARITAL INVENTORY" used by a colleague in MN where it happens to be required. IF (and that's a BIG IF)I were to distribute this to my prospective wedding clients, I would offer this abridged and altered version. Take it for what it is. Maybe it will help some open up a discussion that might not have been attempted before...


Introduction
The purpose of taking a premarital inventory before your wedding is to help the two of you receive an objective assessment of potential problems and issues in your relationship. There is NO requirement to complete this. It is merely a suggestion. This is NOT designed to tell you whether or not you should get married, but to help you realize and deal with differences in your expectations, family backgrounds, and personality traits. Ignoring these issues in your marriage could result in serious marital problems.

Directions
1. Please take this inventory alone, without your future husband/wife in the room.
2. Answer all questions truthfully. There are no wrong answers.
3. If you disagree with a statement or think it’s false, circle it.
4. If you believe the statement to be true or agree with it, leave it blank.
5. If unsure how to answer a statement, put a question mark next to it.
6. Return inventory to me at our first meeting.
7. Please do not discuss your answers with your future husband/wife. We'll do that at our first meeting if you choose to do so.
8. Questions? Don’t hesitate to call me.
NAME__________________________________________________________________
ADDRESS and PHONE________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
FUTURE SPOUSE’S NAME________________________________________________
WEDDING DATE_______________________________________________________

Category: Interests and Activities
We share many of the same interests.
My future husband/wife feels comfortable with most of my friends.
My future husband/wife is too busy for us to do enough things together.
I am comfortable with most of my future husband's/wife's friends.
My future husband/wife needs more hobbies or leisure activities.
I am comfortable with my future husband/wife having time for his/her own friends.
There are some leisure activities I don't enjoy doing with my future husband/wife.
We agree on whether we will talk about our marital problems with close friends.
My future husband/wife respects my wishes to pursue some of my own interests (hobbies/activities/recreation/etc.).
My future husband/wife is too involved in social or community activities.
I am unhappy with some of my future husband's/wife's interests(hobbies/activities/recreation/etc.).
I am satisfied with my future husband's/wife's ideas about housing.
We have 'his' and 'her' friends, but few friends we share.
We agree on how we will furnish and decorate our home.

Category: Role Expectations
We agree on our future goals and ambitions as a family.
I feel that my social background limits me with my future husband's/wife's friends.
I am content with what my future husband/wife expects of me in our marriage.
I have some concerns about my educational background causing problems between us.
My future husband/wife agrees with my goals and plans for the future.
We have discussed our duties involved in running our home.
Each of us understands the other's career needs.
We are satisfied with the things each of us has agreed to do around our home.
We have worked out who will be the wage earner(s) in our family.
I am comfortable with the responsibilities around our home which I expect will be mine.
We have discussed the stresses one or both of our careers may place on relationship.
One or both of our jobs is causing some problems in our relationship.

Category: Personal Adjustment
My future husband/wife places too much emphasis on neatness.
I am worried about the use of alcohol/tobacco/marijuana or other drugs by either of us.
My future husband/wife often seems to be depressed.
I am sometimes uncomfortable with the behavior of my future husband/wife.
I think my future husband/wife drinks too much.
At times I am upset by my future husband's/wife's sense of humor.
I worry that the physical or mental health of either of us will cause problems between us.
I am sometimes bothered by my future husband's/wife's prejudices.
I am satisfied with life most of the time.
My future husband/wife and I can trust each other with members of the opposite sex.
I accept the way my future husband/wife handles his/her personal problems.
My future husband/wife has certain mannerisms which annoy me.
My future husband/wife sometimes embarrasses me by his/her behavior when drinking or 'high'
Too often my future husband/wife refuses to bend on a particular issue.
I am sometimes displeased with the appearance of my future husband/wife.
Drinking and/or drugs change the personality of my future husband/wife.
Sometimes I don't know what to do about my future husbands/wife's moodiness

Category: Interpersonal Communications
We are really willing to talk with each other.
When I am angry - I say or do things that hurt my future husband/wife.
My future husband/wife and I are both most alert at the same time of day
It is hard to express my true feelings to my future husband/wife.
Sometimes my future husband/wife really hurts my feelings.
My future husband/wife is a good companion when we do things together.
My future husband/wife has difficulty talking about some of his/her feelings.
Sometimes I worry about my future husband's/wife's temper.
I find that I feel comfortable with him/her most of the time.
I will do anything I can to avoid disagreements with my future husband/wife.
I am sometimes afraid of my future husband/wife.
I am content with the ways we show affection for each other.
I am satisfied with the ways we resolve the differences between us.
My future husband/wife. is too possessive of me.
I can count on my future husband/wife to give me support when I am feeling down.
One of us always insists on being right.
If we ever find ourselves drifting apart - having a baby will bring us back together.
I can always count on my future husband/wife to be a good listener.
When we have had a disagreement - one or both of us tries to avoid talking about it

Category: Religion and Philosophy
I have trouble practicing some of the teachings of my religion.
My religious preference has caused some conflict with my future husband's/wife's family.
There are things the religion asks me to do which I cannot.
We agree on the amount of involvement we wish to have in our religion.
I worry that my relationship with God and my religion is not all that it should be.
My future husband/wife believes that our marriage means a continuing involvement in our religion.
My future husband/wife accepts my right to believe in my own philosophy of life or religion.
A problem for me is my future husband's/wife's attachment to his/her religion.
My future husband/wife is comfortable with the way I follow my faith and the teachings of my religion.
We agree on which religion, if any, will guide us in raising our children.
Some of my religious values cause conflict between us.
I understand the meaning of marriage as a sacrament.
I strongly believe that having a religion or philosophy of life (set of values for living) is important for me.
I feel great pressure on my freedom to choose my own religious beliefs

Category: Marriage Expectations
We have discussed what the words of our marriage vows will mean for us.
Pregnancy has affected our marriage plans.
At times I have strong doubts that I have made the right choice of a mate.
My future husband/wife wants to get married sooner than I do.
There are times when I doubt my future husband/wife has made the right choice of a mate.
Neither of us feels we are being pushed into marriage.
We have discussed what could happen that would end our marriage.
I feel that I have had little to do with the decisions made about our wedding.
The thought of never being married is frightening to me.
I am feeling great pressure from someone about our wedding plans.
I will solve a number of problems I now have by getting married.
There is a conflict between us about the type of wedding we want.
There are some objections to our marriage.
We have made plans about where we will live when we are married.

Category: Family Issues
Our families agree with our lifestyle.
We may have problems because our families have quite different cultural (social/economic/ethnic) values.
I am concerned that financial help from our families will cause us some problems.
I worry that either of our families will cause friction between us.
My future husband/wife is too dependent on his/her family.
My family agrees with my choice of a mate.
My future husband's/wife's family approve of me.
I am uncomfortable when I am around some members of my future husband's/wife's family

Category: Finances
We agree on how we will handle saving and debts in our budget.
I am concerned about my future husband's/wife's ability to handle money.
One or both of us has some large debts.
We agree on who will be in charge of handling money matters.
I believe that we will have enough extra money for our favorite sports/hobbies/interests/etc.
We agree on how to handle our checking account(s).
I am worried that we do not have enough insurance.
I am satisfied with the way we have decided to budget our money.
I am confident that our income will cover our expenses.
We agree on how much we can afford to spend on housing.

Category: Children
We agree on how many children we would like to have.
We have similar attitudes about the values we want our children to learn.
We have a strong disagreement about adoption.
We agree on what each of us must do to teach our values to our children.
We have shared our thoughts and feelings about pregnancy and childbirth.
We agree on the role of a mother in raising our children.
One or both of us has great fears about raising children in today's world.
We agree on the role of a father in raising our children.
My future husband/wife and I have discussed whether or not we want to have children.
I am afraid that problems from my childhood will affect the way I raise my children.
We have discussed what kind of childcare needs we might have (daycare/preschool/etc.).
There is a conflict between us about whether or not we want to have children.
I am sure that my future husband/wife would be a good parent.
I agree with my future husband's/wife's beliefs about disciplining children.
We have decided not to have children.
I feel that I would be a good parent.

Category: Sexuality
I have good feelings about my sexuality.
I am well informed about the process of lovemaking and sexual intercourse.
I feel good about my body.
A good way to work out problems between us will be to have sexual intercourse.
I feel that sexual intimacy with my future husband/wife will be embarrassing.
It is better for the man to initiate sex.
I am some what afraid of being sexually unsatisfying to my future husband/wife.
Knowing good sexual technique is the most important thing in making a satisfactory sexual relationship.
I sometimes worry that I might be sexually impotent/frigid.
If my future husband/wife were unfaithful - it would end our marriage.
There are times when I don't like to be touched.
A good sex life is the guarantee against adultery.
I feel comfortable discussing sexual matters with my future husband/wife.
The issue of premarital sex has caused us some conflicts.
We are in agreement in our attitudes about 'birth control'

Category: Marital Need
Sometimes a woman/man should take a chance and marry even if they are not sure.
Women/men today don't have to get married unless they really want to.
People think that a woman/man who isn't married is a failure.
A woman/man doesn't need to be married to have a good life

Category: Marital Commitment
Even if a woman/man thinks their marriage is bad, they should keep trying to save it.
If a married couple aren't getting along, they should get a divorce.
If a woman/man thinks they married the wrong person they should get a divorce.
Even if a wife/husband doesn't love their spouse, they should still stay married to them

Category: Marital Desirability
It's much better to be married than single.
I have wanted to be married for as long as I can remember.
A single woman/man needs to find a man/woman to get married to.
A woman/man should be married to one man/woman for as long as they both live.
A woman/man needs to be married to be really happy.
To be married is one of the most important things in a woman's/man's life.
A woman/man feels more grown up after she/he gets married.
Most women/men would rather be married than single.
A married woman/man gets more respect.

Category: Marital Undesirability
The way things are today, women/men shouldn't expect their marriages to last for life.
Many women/men I know are sorry they got married.
Women/men usually give more than they get from marriage.
When a woman/man gets married, they give up most of their freedom.
Women/men often get a bad deal from marriage.
A woman's/man's family usually pushes them to get married.
Just because people are in love, doesn't mean they should get married.

CONCERNS YOU’D LIKE TO DISCUSS

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

FACEBOOK ALERT!

Follow me on Facebook! I joined the revolution last fall and I am addicted for sure! I'll be posting wedding info on there as well1

Search for "Services of Distinction"!

How do we do this "wedding" thing anyway?

What three points would you stress to a couple planning their ceremony?

Well, first, recognize that your ceremony is not just the gateway to the reception; it’s the reason for the celebration. Nothing is worse than having 100 people enthused with the grandest, happiest expectations of a poignant moment only to be rewarded with the same old ceremony that’s been recited by rote over and over again. Blah blah blah. Yawn.

Every ceremonial choice a couple makes, from the way they arrive at the ceremony space (Will they walk together? Will the bride be escorted by her dad or other significant relative? Will she walk alone?) to the readings (biblical? poetry? hand written?), to even their placement (together facing their guests? facing each other? on each side of the officiant?) expresses a subtle window into the individuality to their relationship. All these choices should be woven together, by a competent officiant, into a joyful and individual service that really expresses the personalities of the couple.

Second, you should remember the settings that surround the ceremony; it does not exist in a vacuum. If you’re in a beautiful garden, the ceremony should refer to the bounty and beauty of nature. If it’s in the fall, in a winery, it should refer to the harvest of effort, time and growth. At a beach? The nature of shifting sand and the reliable comfort of our anchors; our family, our partner, our friends. There are reasons that each couple picks their setting, and the ceremony should at the very least, present a nod of understanding to that setting and give their audience another way of insight into their particular partnership.

Finally, plan on getting an early and firm grip on the fact that something will not go as you planned. The three year old flower girl will have a nuclear, face down on the aisle runner tantrum. The chuppa will list sharply to one side. Opa will forget the wine blessing. The musicians will start playing the recessional as your officiant is still talking. The photographer will fall into the fountain. (Not that any of this has happened to me……’: -) All of these occurrences are events that are uncontrollable, and in many cases, add a note of fresh reality and welcome humor to the tableau. With the expectation that something is going to surprise you, try to plan out everything that can be planned not to surprise you. Allow plenty of time for your guests to find the site and get comfortable. Take into account that stiletto heels and grass don’t mix. (I almost lost a couple of maids of honor on various golf courses last year…). Don’t give the four year old ring bearer the real rings. Send clear direction in your invitations, including parking details and logistical glitches (Ocean City beach traffic during the summer…..) that may factor into your guests’ plan.

Now, with all that being said...remember this truly final point my friends...it's all about the marriage...NOT the wedding.

Selecting a Wedding Officiant...it's a weird and often wacky process...

Okay, I said it. Weird and wacky. Perhaps sometimes. Perhaps more than often. As a Wedding Officiant, I am hugely respectful of the process that a couple goes through to select their Officiant. I did it myself just last year. Choosing a Wedding Officiant is often not that much fun. *Although, MINE turned out to be a BLAST!) First of all, you've got to call/meet with an Officiant that you don't know to potentially invite him or her into one of the most intimate moments of your lives. In addition, you're giving this person control of your wedding ceremony. Yikes!

And here is what I know for sure in my years as a non-denominational Wedding Officiant:

1) Be very, very clear about what you want from your Officiant. Ask lots of questions. Yes, this process can be somewhat daunting and you can make it fun. Qualify your Officiant via email or phone and if they resonate with you, set up a meeting for coffee/tea, etc. A quality officiant will ask YOU tons of questions too> Yep. It's a JOB INTERVIEW my friend! ( I give my would-be couples a questionnaire and don't sign a contract with them until I receive this completed form in my hands!)

2) Selecting your Officiant is often a hugely personal choice and one from the gut. Bottom line: You like the Officiant. And the Officiant likes you.

3) You get what you pay for. Really. Truly. No kidding. When it comes to "wedding vendors," you want an Officiant who is excited to know you, honored to create a wedding ceremony with you and privileged to deliver your ceremony on your wedding day. I find that most couples spend money where their values are - and there is no right or wrong here. If someone starts off "nickel and diming" you from the get-go, well, then...GET GOING!

As a "marrying lady," here is what I know for sure.

- That there is no such thing as a 'perfect wedding' and that this label thrown around by vendors in the wedding industry makes me crazy. Believe it or not, it's often the imperfect moments on a wedding day that are the most precious and memorable. (Like your 3 year old niece running down the aisle while jettisoning her flower petals at your grandmother!)

- A wedding ceremony is most often an 'out of body experience." I frequently hear from the couples I am honored to work with that they actually remember about 50% of their wedding ceremony experience. A wedding ceremony is a huge moment - it's full of emotion and there is lots of "stuff" swirling around the room, no matter how intimate or large a wedding.

- That couples who use the time of their engagement period to strengthen their relationship and bond will walk more elegantly and gracefully into their wedding day. Wedding planning can often numb normal feelings and thoughts that need to be voiced and expressed prior to a wedding day. Our "isn't this perfect" society doesn't fully allow for a bride or groom to share pre-wedding jitters - that are often perfectly normal.

What ELSE do I know? Just ask.....